hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
