Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
