I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have fence marks all over my body
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
