ya dads aren't the best wingmen
wrigley field is MILF paradise
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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