Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Less talking, more tequila
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
