it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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