My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
