i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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