i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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