covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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