Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
