She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize