Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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