Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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