if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize