she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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