Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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