Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
