I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
