Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
