Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
