flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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