did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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