Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
