dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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