we're blogging at a bar
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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