Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
