You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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