Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
