we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
