I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
tell me about the fingering
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