did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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