Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
