she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
