I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
