Betty ford says i'm here all night
You can't motorboat a personality
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
