My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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