Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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