forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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