I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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