no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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