i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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