What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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