I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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