Already got asked if we're dating
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
