You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
BRING THE BAGELS
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
