you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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