Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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