if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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