I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
