All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
