i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
