you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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