Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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