I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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