apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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