Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
