Having a random hookup so left but love u
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
zippers are such a cool invention
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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