Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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