I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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