Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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