dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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