when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
this just has baby written all over it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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