Your dad touched me again.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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