I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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