you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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