Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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