My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
