this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
