i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
