Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
