you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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